i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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