My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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