Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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