break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
