Please, let me fuck your mom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
