eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
