hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
