they need to just BURY HIM!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
