Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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