the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
