Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
