um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
