:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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