i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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