guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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