I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
