we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
