OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
