ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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