They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
