if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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