I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
