i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
