Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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