So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
