I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
