in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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