well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
People in love make me want to vomit
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize