You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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