So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
