Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
