Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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