i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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