I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
