Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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