you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
