In the future we'll all be gay
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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