On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
