what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just invented taco cereal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
