would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
