She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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