a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need a beard to bite.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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