she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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