She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
