yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
