Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
