dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
