Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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