we made out on top of his cat.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think my moral compass just broke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
