i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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