He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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