your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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