OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
