the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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