this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
