ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
