Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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