called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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