So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize