I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
