I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
