First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
