She's JV to your varsity
He kissed a someone with a penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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