ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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