wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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