u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
